Why I’m not afraid to call this sh*t OUT!
The Coaching Industry Needs a Reality Check: Let’s Talk About Toxic Mindset Culture
Have you ever experienced a moment that makes you stop and rethink everything?
That’s where I am right now. After sitting with this for days, I feel compelled to address something I’ve noticed in the online coaching industry: the harmful narratives around mindset and personal responsibility. It’s time we had an honest conversation about the good, the bad, and the ugly of this space.
Fair warning: You may not agree with everything I say, but I invite you to read on.
The Problem with Toxic “Mindset” Culture
The other day, I read a newsletter from a well-known coach. Typically, his content is thoughtful and inspiring. But this time? He shared a social experiment meant to encourage people to “reject the victim mentality.”
One sentence stopped me in my tracks:
“Life is unfair, but we must take accountability and reclaim our power.”
At first glance, it might seem harmless—even motivational. But in the context of today’s world, with wars, mass casualties, and widespread trauma, this statement felt tone-deaf and dismissive.
The Hustle Fallacy: Why Hard Work Isn’t Always Enough
Let’s get one thing straight: Personal responsibility is important. But the “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” narrative ignores systemic barriers and marginalizes those who face real obstacles.
Take Pam, my best friend’s mom. She grew up in an abusive household in Washington D.C. and was told by her high school counselor that her only future was as a housekeeper. Pam defied those odds and became an anesthesiologist.
Even with her success, she faced racism at every turn. Once, she walked into an operating room and was directed to the trash can, mistaken for the janitor.
That’s not a mindset problem. That’s systemic oppression.
Why Toxic Positivity Is Dangerous
Telling people to “stop being victims” without acknowledging historical and systemic inequalities is not empowering. It’s harmful. It invalidates lived experiences, perpetuates shame, and shifts the blame onto individuals for issues that are far beyond their control.
How to Find a Coach Who Truly Gets It
If you’re navigating the coaching world, here’s how to identify those who offer genuine support:
1️⃣ Look for nuance. Avoid coaches who peddle one-size-fits-all solutions.
2️⃣ Check their community. Is there real diversity, or just token representation?
3️⃣ Evaluate their messaging. Do they acknowledge systemic barriers or oversimplify success?
4️⃣ Assess their inclusivity. Do they use language that uplifts or shames?
5️⃣ Observe their client base. A coach’s clientele often reflects their values.
Why I’m Speaking Up
I’m committed to creating a space where we can be honest about these challenges. Growth and success should never come at the expense of ignoring systemic realities or silencing marginalized voices.
What about you?
What’s been your experience with coaching programs? What do you wish more coaches understood about your journey?
Let’s Build Something Better
The coaching industry has the potential to be a transformative space for growth and empowerment. But to get there, we need to dismantle harmful narratives, address systemic barriers, and create truly inclusive spaces.
I’m here for that journey. Are you?
➡️ Share your thoughts in the comments below. Let’s start a real conversation about how we can do better together.