This does NOT feel safe, but I need to do it anyway
Why I’m Sharing This
For weeks, I debated whether to write this. Each time I tried, fear and anxiety crept in, and I’d delete everything. It wasn’t easy to write this email, and honestly, as a woman of color (WOC) small business owner, it doesn’t feel entirely safe either.
But if my business and community are built on showing up authentically and encouraging others to do the same, then I need to share this part of my journey—my experience healing childhood traumas with psychedelics.
This is deeply personal, and it has truly transformed my life.
Disclaimer: This is not therapy or medical advice. It’s simply my personal story and reflections.
A Childhood That Shaped Me
Growing up, my life was shaped by loss and instability. My father passed away when I was just three years old. My mother, working hard as a widow and immigrant, wasn’t always present, and I spent much of my childhood moving between grandparents, aunts, friends, and others.
I realize now that I only spent eight years of my life living with my mother. We were separated by continents and decades of unshared experiences. Our relationship became marked by hyper-independence and emotional distance.
For years, I felt untethered, chasing a sense of grounding I never had. My nervous system was always activated, driving me to over-schedule, overwork, and overachieve. My body carried the weight of this unprocessed energy, manifesting in physical ways—including a 13cm fibroid tumor that I had removed last year.
The Turning Point: Exploring Psychedelics
In the wake of burnout and health scares, I began seeking alternative healing modalities. Psychedelics became part of my journey, and their impact was nothing short of life-changing.
One rainy night, I experienced what it felt like to be cradled as a child in a mother’s arms. For the first time, I felt deeply loved and safe, something I’d never experienced growing up. That moment of surrender and warmth rewrote something within me.
But it wasn’t just about finding comfort. During another psychedelic-assisted therapy session, I envisioned my mother as a young widow. I saw her at age 29, standing in a hospital with my tiny hand in hers as she faced the unimaginable grief of losing her husband.
For the first time, I felt a profound sense of compassion for her—not just as my mother but as a woman navigating a world that had dealt her so many hardships.
Compassion: The Highest Form of Love
They say compassion is the highest form of love, and I felt it in my bones during that session. It wasn’t about forgiving or accepting her; it was about opening my heart wider and truly seeing her.
For so long, I thought my life’s work was to forgive my mother for not being there for me. But in that moment, I realized my real work was to understand her as a person with her own dreams, losses, and struggles.
And something unexpected happened. For the first time in 37 years, I felt a desire to become a mother. The healing of my own mother wound cleared the way for me to imagine a possibility I had never considered.
The Connection Between Grief and Healing
In Chinese medicine, the lungs represent grief. My mother’s rare autoimmune disease, which attacks her lungs, feels like a manifestation of the grief she has carried for decades.
The loss of her husband. The sacrifices she made as a young widow and immigrant. The distance between us.
This realization has deepened my commitment to healing—not just for myself but for the generational patterns that have shaped us.
What’s Next on My Journey
In May, I’ll travel to China to see my mother for the first time in four years. My husband will meet her for the first time as well.
Since the last time I saw her, my life has changed in so many ways. I married the love of my life, built the business of my dreams, and worked tirelessly on healing myself.
My mother has faced her own challenges, including her rare lung condition. I hope this visit becomes a space for connection, understanding, and love as we continue our journeys—together and apart.
Sharing My Story
Writing this has been emotional and difficult, but it feels right to share. If my story resonates with you or inspires you to look at your own healing journey, then I’m grateful.
I just released a podcast episode where I go even deeper into this journey and explore how scarcity from my childhood impacts my business.
💡 Listen here: Podcast Episode Link
Final Thoughts
This journey is far from over. I’m still processing everything, but I hope that by sharing, I can encourage others to explore their own paths, face their truths, and release what no longer serves them.
Thank you for holding space for me. My inbox is always open if you feel compelled to share your thoughts or experiences.
With love,
Gloria
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