I didn’t have a “father” growing up, but had this instead.
Yesterday was Father’s day. Like some of you, it brings up complex emotions, as Father’s day represents something different for all of us.
My father died when I was 3, and I don’t remember anything of him, except that I have so many of my traits from him.
My loud laugh.
My extroversion and love for all friends and adventure.
My entrepreneurial spirit that I found later in life.
He also changed the entire course of my mother’s family, lifting them out of living in poverty under communism without even a toilet in their house growing up. My father also sponsored her siblings to come to the US so they can establish a new life for their future generations.
Of course, I sometimes wonder what my life would have been like if he as still here.
But here’s what I know for sure.
That family, eventhough mine wasn’t traditional and broken in many ways, came with its beauty and blessing.
❤️It taught me resiilience and adaptability having moved 13 times as a kid living from aunts to grandparents houses to my best friends during high school.
(read the story here about how I have a Black mom + siblings and Taiwanese dad)
❤️It also taught me that the greatest lessons I am here to learn is to put back the pieces of my self I was hiding from and finally repair my relationship with my mother, who I never felt close to or understood me in any way.
❤️It’s the lessons in compassion, in softening into acceptance, and unraveling the hardened layers of ourselves we put on to “survive” but are now trapping us that taught me the beauty in loss.
❤️And how grief is our ultimate teacher in learning to love even more.
On Father’s day, I called Dan, my father figure who has a pure heart of gold and literal “buddha energy” as my friend called him. He is almost 80 and still works full time and has a child like curiosity that inspires all of us to never stop questioning and always live in the present.
On my wedding, I gave a speech thanking him for always being there for me as a non-judgemental presence, even when I quit my job as a US diplomat and started all over again.
Time after time, he always created a safe and supportive space for me to “figure it out” even when life on the outside was a mess.
It’s this type of love that allowed me to be the truest version of myself, chasing my dreams and building a business I have today, one that impacts small business owners and serves diverse entrepreneurs by making them feel confident and seen.
He isn’t the “fatherly” type in the traditional sense in that he never had a kid of his own and was a family friend of my father before he passed. But in this non-traditional father-figure role, he taught me so much.
❤️ no matter how your relationship is with your father, know that there is always space for different types of dynamics to exist and even if its not what you had pictured, perhaps there is a silver lining somewhere. A lesson to be learned. A space for compassion to come in.
Remember that you are not alone as I am on this journey with you, and together, we are doing the work to heal ourselves so we can heal the world. This, I know for sure.
Cheering for you always,
Gloria